Here’s something nobody tells you about becoming a writer. The more successful you get…the more shit gets thrown your way.
I’m not complaining (much) and I’m not talking about serious or semi-serious reviews. I’m good with those. Most of the time. As long as the reviewer reads at least half of the book.
But today in “Stop the Insanity” I want to shine a bright light on the haters. The kind of folks who seem to live online and hide behind the anonymity of usernames.
Let’s call this piece, GOTTA LOVE THOSE HATERS.
A few months ago, I wrote a mostly well-received thriller about a volcanic eruption that threatened the Big Island of Hawaii. I co-wrote the novel with the late Michael Crichton. I had read almost all of Michael’s novels as well as his non-fiction and I worked closely with his widow, Sherri to complete the manuscript he’d left unfinished.
I wanted to do a really good job for Sherri and her son and I think the novel Eruption was full of fun, suspense and some creative action scenes to raise readers’ heart rates.
The haters were ready to pounce.
Here are comments posted in The Washington Post following a negative review by Ron Charles.
“Ok, everything won’t be Proust,” wrote someone who called themselves LMTWaPo, “but this stuff is profoundly bad. 🤢”
Dear LMTWaPo,
To be honest, I didn’t make it all the way through Remembrance of Things Past. Congratulations though, because it sounds like you did. Based on what I’ve read of Proust, I think my stories have more pace and less semi-colons. But maybe I’m just too close to the subject matter. I also think that green face emoji at the end of your note means “I’m trying not to hurt.” Maybe try a little harder.
“Oh man,” commented a wanna-be-Joe-Rogan user named Marell, “and I just got the vomit cleaned up from the last book he wrote with Bill Clinton.”
Quick, get out the pail and mop, because there’s an upchuck epidemic coming from Ron Charles’ loyal readers. Vomit warning: the next time President Clinton and I write a book together (to be published June 2025), I’m not sure our publishers will be sending a review copy to The Washington Post.
“Michael Crichton,” wrote Sukie Sez, “must be rolling in his grave.”
Who am I to criticize writers who use lazy cliches, but c’mon Sukie. You can do better than that. As President Biden used to say, here’s the thing -- if you can tell me where Michael Crichton’s writing stopped and mine began, I owe you a big apology. Send your best guess to Ron Charles.
Library980 had this to say, “James Patterson is a writer with nary a deep thought in his books.”
What can I say – I love libraries and librarians. My mother was one. But Eruption is filled with the kind of scientific research Michael Crichton was justly famous for.
“Let me guess,” wrote K T5754, “It’s already been sold to Michael Bay for a movie.”
Sorry K T5754. Here’s a fact check for you. Eruption was sold to Sony. Oscar winners Jimmy Chin and Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi are set to direct. They won an Oscar for Free Solo. Most recently, they directed Nyad.
That’s all for now. We’ll do it again sometime soon. Thanks for the good fun, haters.
One more thing, I might be fuzzy on my American History, but I think the Constitution gives us all the right to confront our accusers. Good citizen that I am, I’m James Patterson and I put my name on what I write.
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